Sunday, June 25, 2006

I just have to smile...

I decided to take one last peek at my email tonight and I am so glad that I did! My sister in law, Lauren, sent me the link to my little nephew's photos that were taken at Penney's. In the first picture, well, it just made me smile. The expression on his face was so much like the one my Daddy used to get when he knew I was up to something. I can still hear him say in a low voice, "TJ, what are you to?" He always knew when I was up to something...probably because I was always up to something. *grins*

I've just been missing my Daddy lately. He's been gone 15 years this month and not a day goes by that I don't think of him and the way that the tanned skin crinkled around his blue eyes when he smiled. I think about his beard that he always grew in the winter to keep his jaw warm. It was shattered in an oil well accident and it was always achy when the weather was cold.

My Daddy was just a country boy who loved his family. Sometimes he made bad decisions, but he was still my matter what he did. Even when mother wouldn't let him see me, I knew that he loved me. He sent my christmas presents to my grandmother's house because he knew that she would make sure that I got them. He loved me because I was his first born, the first one in the family to graduate from high school and the first one to go to college. He was always so proud of me. I wish he were still here to see his first grandchild. I know he would have just been over the moon for Rhiannon. She tends to have that effect on just about everyone she meets.

Daddy, wherever you are, you've got some incredibly beautiful grandchildren....and you've got four children who miss you very much.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

A Very Odd Kind of Day

I haven't written here in a quite a while. Things have been a little chaotic in the house and truthfully, I wasn't sure that I was going to still be married after all was said and done. We're working on it and things have gone pretty smooth for the last couple of weeks.

Today was a tough day for me and Henry. He lost his father 4 years ago and I lost mine 15 years ago. My grandfather has been gone for 20 years already. He misses being able to talk to his dad. I miss having someone I can run to when the world gets too big and mean for me to deal with. My grandpa was always my protector. He loved me no matter how badly I screwed up. And believe me, I had some real doozies between high school and the age of 20. He bailed me out of a lot of messes but he never once criticized me for marching to the beat of my own drummer. He knew that I wasn't like his other grandchildren. He knew that I was going to be the odd girl out. And boy, was he ever right! I hate it that they aren't around to see my little girl, Rhiannon. They both would have loved her so much just because she was mine. She would have been Daddy's first grandbaby. With her big blue eyes and her pretty red hair, I think she probably could have talked either of them into anything...just like her mother used to do.

I miss you, Grandpa and Daddy. Not just today, but every single day that I have been without you.