News That You Never Want To Hear

My grandmother's nurse, Mary, called me this evening. Gran had a stroke on my birthday and just has not recovered from it like they thought she would. It affected her entire right side and her speech. Today Dr Rhodie said it was time to call in hospice for Gran...that she more than qualified.

She has a DNR on file and if she should have another TIA or stroke and need to be revived they are going to let her go. It's so selfish of me to want her to stay alive. I know that logically. But deep down inside me is the little girl who had a phenomenal grandmother who would get down on the floor with her and play jacks or shoot marbles. My gran is the most loving person I have ever met. She has loved me unconditionally since day 1...and the feeling has always been mutual. She and Grandpa were the two that I could always count on to tell me that I had done a good job and not follow it with a backhanded remark telling me that it was good but it could have been better.

I don't love her because she has bought me nice things or spent money on me. I love her because she's been the one stable thing in my life for 40 years. I love her because of the songs she used to sing to me when I was little and because of the stories that she used to tell me about things when she was growing up. I love her because she always wanted to hold my hand when we went places, even when I was well into my 20's. I love her for all of the kisses and hugs that she gave me and for all of the tender words that were whispered when I was sick. I love her for so many reasons...reasons too many to be listed here.

Gran, I love you unconditionally...forever. I love you to the moon and back and more than all of the stars in the night sky. I'll always be your grandbaby, no matter how old or big I get to be.

I love you, Gran.